Motpgw

colours aplenty.

2009-10-21T20:30:00.004+08:00

ive always liked the rainbows, and now i feel dam weird.or should i say normal since it had been lidat for a long time. empty within blah blah blah. i don't even feel like writing it down anymore.

humans.... why do we have such a complicated nature? two sides of a coin. i thought i was complicated. now i find im just simple. yeah. lets just make my life simple by doing what i wan to do. simple as that. or should i say the correct things that i should do. don't make it so complicated. (: not make my life a black hole but rather a rainbow, filled with joy and laughter and company.

credits for the picture =liek

a light in the darkness

2009-10-20T19:47:00.003+08:00

a light in the darkness. hmm. thats kinda the way one would feel when they are down or upset. like they see something or feel that someone is like their guiding light, their source of help or comfort or rather should i say first aid kit.

hmm i always said i wan to help. but to be honest, in some cases i dunno wad to do to help. in others i dunno whether would they wan me to help.

today at sns.....WASTE OF TIME -.- lol. but hais its kinda expected. lol. and i think im gonna start..... emplifying ++'s example in putting pics on every post. gives it more life.

picture credits alexiuss

points of views.

2009-10-19T09:50:00.003+08:00

the calm before the storm, or the ending of a storm?thats up to our own interpretation!

food for thought!

2009-10-19T09:39:00.005+08:00

it really feels that way, a tree all alone in the wind, listening to the birds chirping, the insects chattering. its just listening, left out of the conversations.

after all this months, how many of them can i confide in? how many of them can confide in me? alot of inlets, only one outlet. i need ears too.

p.s. yh 256 had become my silent plea for help.

above, was what i wrote last sat. and nah, its been proven wrong.(: be sensitive to others, not just to urself. we need our own spaces as well.

feelin so much better

2009-10-18T11:10:00.001+08:00

im feeling so much better. even though i didn't go through with my plan to slp the entire day, walking and sitting in the botanical gardens for a while was very refreshing.

the emo streaks coming back

2009-10-17T22:42:00.004+08:00

well, ive mastered how to look unemo thats for sure. yesterday, today, no one noticed. at least not face to face. if they did then they didn't give a dam. well.....i still felt horrible like literally. from this morning till night. morning i woke up feeling still down, smsed celeste and we had a little talk and felt a little better after that. then thereafter during the meeting started to feel worse again, during the message my exhaustion creeped up on me and i nodded off. which was really sianz since the topic was on the holy spirit and i wanted to pay attention. then dinner. luke and john didn't go, dinner was kinda mac and cheese in silence.it was kinda a girl's nights out with the two of us being the odd ones out. maybe u can say me being the odd one out as usual. so in order, i tried to light a sparkler for jamos and succeded, then they went to look at make up, then they went cold storage to i dunno, buy something? then mrted home practically in silence with grace and jamos.-.- and i thought i had offended grace in some way. i really need to get unaffected by what occured in the past. hais. sianz. i wonder how long do i need to erase this crap.

down.

2009-10-17T00:02:00.002+08:00

why do i feel down? lol. quite simple. besides being in my sec and pri sch clique, i don't feel comfortable anywhere else. i ALWAYS seem like to be clinging on to people, like a leech sucking blood or in this case company from people. lol. in church im always left out of the numerous convers, only rarely do am i included nowadays, in society? lol. always around the people i feel comfortable with. its like this, i can talk to anyone in both areas literally, but..........i feel left out. like today walking to mac, lol. i had time to emo the entire distance. hyper? LOL more like a facade. when had i let my facades down? lol. i have no idea. probably the last time was when i didn't had one in pri sch.

wants.

2009-10-14T20:02:00.002+08:00

what are the things i want?lols. thats probably one of the questions i can answer very easily.because quite literally, i have very few wants. since from last year, i more or less only wanted two or three wants, and well i think i should share it. i think the reason why ive been like longing for a relationship is more like not longing for a relationship. but like i wanna know someone who understands me truely and accepts me for who i am. its not like i have no close friends. i have plenty. from pri sch till now can't use both hands to count anymore. they mean so much but still, no one that i knows as of now really understands why i do things in tt way or why i behave in tt way or why i react in that way. u can call it loneliness i guess. materalistic stuff? nah. i have a roof over my head, food, and clothings. what more do i want or need?

When a Loved One Dies

2009-10-14T00:40:00.002+08:00

yes celeste i know.... i took this from blubberblu and kinda edited the end. well it was in a sense quite connecting to what ive been feeling recently so yeah tts why im posting this or should i say re-blogging this? (: okay.... im beat so im just gonna go slp now. tata. (: have a gd read.

When a Loved One Dies
Did you know that people grieve and mourn not only after a loved one dies, but also before? If a person really understands that a loved one is dying, he or she can take these last days, weeks or months to feel sad- but also to make the most of time that is left.

Sometimes this is hard to do. Just knowing that someone is going to leave may make it hard to enjoy their company while he or she is still around. You may have noticed this as friends prepare to leave town on the last day of school, or when you just want to hurry up and get it over with. You think that maybe that way, it won’t hurt so much.

If you can let yourself feel sad and if you can share this sadness with the person who is dying and with other people, you may find that something else happens too. You also get in touch with all of your love for that person with all of the memories you share and with the ways that he or she will always be part of your life. That’s why it’s so important to spend time with that person you love, remembering things together, talking about your feelings or just sitting quietly in each other’s company.

Some people find it hard to open up and do this when someone they love is dying. They are so afraid of feeling sad about the person’s death that they cannot stand to think about him or her at all. What these people find later however, is that they did not really save themselves from any sadness. They just put their sadness off for a later time- after the person has been dead for a while. What they did miss is not the sadness but their last chance to share their love. If someone you love is very sick, it may be difficult to spend time with him or her in the ways that you are used to. And the person may be going through his or her own version of fighting sadness- the dying person may not want to see anyone he or she loves, because it will seem too sad. This may be hard for you to accept and there may not be anything you can do about it.

Even if the two of you cannot share them, though, you can still hold on to all of your good feelings and memories about the person who is dying. You can make yourself a scrapbook of things you did together, go for a walk to places you used to visit, write in your journal about things you have shared or draw pictures to remind yourself of happier times. You can allow yourself to feel all your love for this person, to feel all the ways that he or she has been special to you, to think about all the ways that he or she will always be important to you. In fact, only by letting yourself have all the feelings about the person who is dying will you be able to let that person go when the time comes.

When a loved one dies suddenly, there is no time or opportunity for grieving before the death. Sudden death may leave us feeling that there is “Unfinished business”, such as having no chance to say goodbye. This means that the grief must start after death. That will be the time for resolving the “unfinished business”, by, for example, expressing feelings, writing in a journal, being with others who have shared the loss, reliving happy experiences and memories of the person who has died, and eventually, after feelings have had a chance to be expressed, letting go of grief. Even after that, hold on to those memories. It lets you see and remember the good times you had, and most importantly, the difference they made in your life. If you are feeling awful about not doing anything or missing that person, just remember, that if he or she had loved you, or had been a friend to, the thing that they want out of you is for you to be happy.

all the crap of today and last wk.

2009-10-06T22:15:00.002+08:00

its not the shouting that pisses me off during the sgl showcase last wk. ITs not about the shouting, but rather the tone. just like the other time. attitude is one thing, tone is another. today i wasn't talking about kimberly at all. we made each other feel bad about the whole incident and i wanted to thank her that she at least apologised to us though it really wasn't her fault. but i was more or less along the lines of talking about elvina when she shouted as the people behind me to shut up. at the time i felt like throwing my laptop at her. there i was sitting there playing cs while waiting for our debrief and Fk. kanna blasted again just because i was in the wrong place at the wrong time. KNS. next time i would probably shout back at her alr. okay MAJOR time to cool down. okay okay cool cool cool. tmw going training-.- i have mixed feelings about it.

why do i feel that way?

2009-10-03T23:37:00.002+08:00

why do i feel a loner everywhere i go? from sec sch to church to poly. yeah, i have great friends who i can to anytime, i have great friends who share joys and sorrows with me together, i have great friends who know what i like and wad i would do and vice versa. but seriously? its like today again, i sit down there listening, and i feel left out. and it happens nearly weekly. sometimes i feel like i can get along very well with someone, on other days it feels really outta place. sianz lar.....

2009-09-30T22:06:00.004+08:00

its still better to keep everything to yourself. and only a very very very very small group of people

2009-09-28T20:21:00.002+08:00

seriously today... i heard my mum and my grandma talk with my two great aunts about an uncle.... wans to invest in the diamond trading crap in south africa..... kinda retarded. poured money into the sea lidat, got scammed tons..... and blame mother. that is the kind of scenario in which i would do wad i wrote in facebook yesterday. this kind of people need a really gd slapping to wake up and really become mature in their thinking and not like a child, blame everyone but not themselves.

its TIMES LIKE theses...... .AGAIN.

2009-09-25T21:00:00.000+08:00

sometimes i feel that... they are probably the group of people that i can get along with extremely well.... on other days they are total strangers to me. next time when im organising something, just throw me a straight answer like...... i WANT out. not something like but we had alr done something similar. it appreciated. and i would give the same kinda of answer.

today

2009-09-23T22:06:00.001+08:00

badminton, gym, badminton, eat, pool, gym, psping. that was how my day went. suprising no muscle aches YET. tmw gg. hais.. im bored. and i need to start on the new t. can't believe i haven't started. okay.... start now! JYJYJY

what it means to be a leader.

2009-09-22T20:55:00.002+08:00

today some agl blasted at us........cause zoe had an asthma attack. i wonder wad is her problem. bad attitude, bad leadership skills. a leader is supposed to lead by example, learn by comments and observations blah blah blah i can list a long list. after all, i was once a leader too. a bad one though. anyways......i burnt. today i got so bored of more than words i just day dreamed off.like man.... repeat repeat repeat and repeat. at least give us a little break here and there? boring day tmw gonna badminton from 10-1! then gym.(:

brothers and sisters fight.

2009-09-20T21:50:00.002+08:00

and i seriously do not like her tone to me. 'its not your practise u huh for wad?'i'll say u dunno why i huh then u just shut up and don't utter a single word lar.

brothers and sisters do fight. or rather disagree with each other, get annoyed with each other blah blah blah. some people do annoy me, and i know i do annoy people. well, don't judge. thats wad Our father told us to do and its high time i did it. we are spoilt. us singaporeans. its high time we get outta of our comfort zone and go someone ural to live.

its the small little things.

2009-09-17T22:08:00.004+08:00

i went nuts trying to find my ic to photocopy for my overseas trip... then i came across this little blue badge with a letter k on it.....and i don't recall who gave it to me.....

we

overseas camp was....... an eye opener. like i had never been to somewhere that run down? and im certainly spoilt.

okay..... lets go back to day 1.....i reached sch exactly at 630....... and i was complaining about the timing..... we took 30 mins to reach tanah merah terminal..... then we walked in a muddy path, did boom netting? which is more or less is jump from the third level of a fishing trailer into a net. okay okay.... it was quite alright actually. maybe i was kinda scared of jumping but jumped anyway. lol did it 4 times and well.... it was thrilling. LOL. then pitched a tent. more like i slacked and watched the others pitch a tent. i then went looking for firewood, and wow i saw the toliets i went WOW!Lol literally a tent where u can shit in, and guys just anyhow urinate whereas girls dug a hole and x marks the spot. we cooked maggie under the helpful lighting of torchlights and a few random light bulbs powered by a small little generator and a kerosene lamp... my the fire was super comfortable. couldn't slp at all. the sand was uneven, my back hurted like ....... and i changed positions tons of times. the beach was nice, the sea was nice the sun rise and sun set were nice and the STARS Were nice. lol.

day 2. pt was like nuts..... then i kayaked quite a bit. the water was shallow was kayaking on the two seater. i wanna 1 sitter again! (: its nice nice nice. shoulder aches today but still.... nice! LOL
then rained, so no flying fox. heng? i dunno kinda scary?but i prob still go try de. lol. okay... im scared of heights still lol.next up.... games. lol. the ula's staff games were serious brain teasers. i still don't get a game and i dunno how to get past it. lol. ren wei's we take neoprints was FUNNY! LOL.but i think some people are horrendous in making the sgls go over and over and over and over again. they come to me i just make it super easy for them. then....... campfire shouted a little? or rather when i needed to and the making of mascots..... i torch light holder only -.- cheers and skits were gd. lol

day3 ....which is today. woke up did nothing ate alot of bf and lunch, ate maggie for dinner. and....did 50 push ups b4 i fell out. wrist no longer hurts thank goodness then still got nothing actually. lol just pack up and clean up and lots of talk here and there and photos and speeches blah blah blah that i also can give actually. overall the people were nice... great..... splendid lol.

got super pissed off. taxi stand full of people no taxi.... then i just walked in, dropped my phone and all the things are like crap... hais. wasted a sat yesterday and my gpa is 2.7 =.= need to mug next sem no more com and this and tt. cats a, maths b+, mbio c+, ipc c, physio b. okays......hais

nice day.... nice company...... nice wait.(:

2009-09-12T23:27:00.000+08:00

well. today was ......... how to say it. lol. a waiter again? but the spinella's was great. lol. oh wait! i nearly forgot about the trip to cold storage and guardian. lol. but i couldn't stand a bro's talk bout someone chaing gfs. asking when do u wan to change ur gf? its like he is asking when are u changing ur clothes? wadtheheck??? well enough of the bad stuff. well talked about the poly forum.......and tessa's malaysia camp, and the modeled speelling mistake. or isit just american spelling? no idea. anyway its was a great day.

2009-09-08T15:25:00.001+08:00

sianz. this is screwed. shouldn't had tried singing anymore. in fact i doubt i would ever sing again after this. i can't sing for nuts. this is total fked up. like wad the bloody hell lar. how in the world did i get into choir in the first place. lol. another of the screwed up things that happened in my life. singing.-.-

okay... im bored

2009-09-04T21:32:00.000+08:00

saying i love you,
its not the words i wan to hear from you.
its not that i want you, not to say but if u only knew.
how easy, it would be to show me how you feel, more than words,
its all you have to do to make it real,
then you wouldn't have to say,
that you love me,
cause i already know.

im bored. bored to the extent of typing out this dam song that im singing for a performance. and its a duet -.- maybe to be specific, a trio-duet. 3 pairs of people singing different parts.

hmm... cycled to sch yesterday. quite interesting for a change. quite challanging at 1 point not to ram into a tree, and yeah... im still bored. after 3 hrs.... ive watched 200 pounds beauty again, cars and the golden compass. of course, skipped some parts. yawn8 im bored.

surreal, serenity

2009-09-03T22:50:00.000+08:00

the soft crunching of the gravel beneath the pair of feet.
the whispers from the insects carried upon the wind.
the captured images upon the tranquil waters.

yesterday

2009-08-30T20:35:00.000+08:00

hmm. nothing gave me so much pleasure than seeing the two of them smiling while chatting to each other, besides the fact that it was during the hymns, cause well, im happy that they can have times lidat. guess thats me, getting pleasure not outta people's misery, but from their joy.

had a great time yesterday, it was one in a million. its not that i needed that company, but still, its the company that made my day. like seriously. its the people that counts. but how often do we neglect these people? and yet even more, how often do we take into account what they would have to do, whether would they be able to catch up with us or not, or do they have exams coming up or not.

in a whirpool of emotions right now. or more accurately, a whirpool that had drained me of every feeling now.

2009-08-29T11:44:00.001+08:00

lol....when would i meet someone that i like and she feels the same way about me?

class outing.

2009-08-28T22:18:00.000+08:00

today.... hmm....

first of all..... I WASTED 40 bucks on arcade????? OMGosh-.- lol. but quite fun though XS i was playing time crisis again ( only game i play) 3 and 4 i think. one handed playing, my arm still hurts. hit the two tires solo. for the helicopter sniping the truck wheels. lol one handed. a first XP

okay. we ate at ljs, bought the chips and fries cause the others are so really super duper ex. then we went to watch.... THE PROPOSAL. LOL i laughed like shit. and zc was teasing jb thrugh out. LOL.

then.... i psped -.- dissadia and gundam. LOL. and we pooled! i played BETTER! lol. okay... dinner was like ............................... waited very long for some place but was playing psp so didn't really notice the time. (classmate's psp) then went to noodle hut or noodle house one of the two. lol. quite .....ex. free flow drinks and ice cream though.

so a day past. i can't wait for tmw. like seriously can't wait.

its the hols, im bored.

2009-08-27T21:42:00.000+08:00

okay. today.... bored. i went to my grandmother's place, then i commed quite a bit, searchin for the cca point system for yvonne, sent a poem to celeste for her bluberblu read, and did this and tt this and tt. when my grandmum was scooping ice cream for me and my cousins, my thoughts, turned back to my grandfather, also because of the poem that i sent, and the thought that ive been having for quite some time surfaced again. so many people that i want to know better, to become closer with, to understand and help them along more, yet so little time. cherish.....thats something i learnt in sec 1. lol.. on the way home, walking in, i cried. a few drops of tears, i was in a mix of gladness and sadness. glad that ive been able to know my family, my pri sch friends, my sec sch friends, the churchies, and my current classmates. lol. only 3 ppl got wad i meant. i think.

its times like this

2009-08-19T21:26:00.000+08:00

its times like this when i need someone to talk to, its hard for me to find someone. its times like this when i need some encouragment, and whence do i find them? its times like this......

lol.....

2009-08-18T21:41:00.000+08:00

lol... childhood sweethearts......load of crap. never had one. maybe had one in pri 5 and 6? but hate her like siaos then lol. now shes another friend i can talk to. :) lol. liking someone is not easy. loving someone is EVEN harder. but i think i do know how to love my neighbour. i hope i do know how to. love is patient, love is kind.... lol. am wondering why love like and bgr are like the common topics i post on recently. retarded. i had plenty of crushes -.- but liking someone is kinda a not so easy thing for me. it doesn't happen often. and i can like someone for years.. that i do know very well......:S

2009-08-18T08:40:00.000+08:00

blogger and facebook ARE screwed. at least its this period of time. LOL! can concentrate on study first. i cannot access EVEN MY OWN BLOG!?!? who cares....shit happens LOL!

its the things that....

2009-08-15T22:40:00.000+08:00

im kinda suprised that im actually posting this here. even though i thought of making this my private blog, but then i found it quite troublesome.. so yeah its not privated so ive haven't been saying what i really think, but now this is what im thinking right now.

im thinking that it is actually intriguing to see that ive grown so much and yet at the same time, theres no difference in me now and in sec sch. the same thing is i get influenced very easily. though i know very clearly whats right from wrong, and won't do wad is not right, i still get influenced. the thing that had changed however is actually ive deproved in many areas. like singing for example.

but one thing that hadn't changed from last year was to care. in fact its been wearing me out but i welcome it cause it makes me remember what its like to feel. and i like doing it. dunno how to describe but its like when someone gets over their problem, i feel happy for them:) thats prob why i haven't given up till now.

bgr. well its getting to me. in a sense its kinda influencing me,with all the sudden open bgrs popping up around me, to get into one but ive thought it through. well, im not going to get into one. unless theres a person who wans to get into one with me then maybe.. but im not going to get into one just for the sake of getting into one. seriously ive been dam confused bout the crap thats been surging within me. why can't i just meet someone who makes me cathartic just as i make her feel the same way? hmm. just leaving this mess for the Lord. take my joy and my sorrow oh Lord. it really isn't helping when im singing more than words.

i wrote two poems im just gonna dump them here. annoyed alr, took much longer on this post than i wanted thinking of wad to write. so yeah here u go, enjoy.

Perceptions

A little star in the night sky,

Gazing upwards in silence, I said,

its all alone.

A pearl in the ocean,

Gazing downwards in silence, I said,

its wondrous.

A friend that I went to in despair,

gazing at him I said,

you don’t understand me.

A teardrop on a cheek,

I gazed at it and said,

You’re sad.

I gazed back at him

Thanks for noticing, but what can you do?

I can..

Be there for you

I gazed into the openness

Thank you, Friend.

and.....

Alone.

At 11pm daily,

Silence. That’s all I hear.

Silence, save the howling of the wind.

Silence, save the roaring of engines.

Silence, save the sound of my typing.

Silence…..

Silence……..

At 11 pm daily,

Alone, that’s what I am now.

Alone, that’s what gives me fear.

Alone, that’s what I feel.

Alone, that’s what the whispers of the voices in the wind tells me

Alone……

Alone………..

At 11 pm daily,

I think, am I really alone?

I wonder, who can I talk to right now?

I hunger, for someone I can care for.

I long, for affections aplenty.

I envision, what life is without loneliness.

I realize, I am not alone,

I found out, I have brothers and sisters who care.

I grasped the truth, that the Lord is with me.

and last but not least, the dam song im learning -.-

GIRL:

Saying I love you
Is not the words I want to hear from you
It’s not that I want you
Not to say, but if you only knew

GUY:
How easy it would be to show me how you feel
More than words is all you have to do to make it real
Then you wouldn’t have to say that you love me
Cos Id already know

GIRL:
What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real

GUY:

What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldnt make things new
Just by saying I love you

More than words
(BRIDGE)

GUY:
Now Ive tried to talk to you and make you understand
All you have to do is close your eyes
And just reach out your hands and touch me

GIRL:

Hold me close dont ever let me go
More than words is all I ever needed you to show
Then you wouldnt have to say that you love me
Cos Id already know

GIRLS:
What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
GUYS:

What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldnt make things new
Just by saying I love you

More than words

(BRIDGE BRIDGE: everyone)

things to look forward to!

2009-08-14T23:57:00.002+08:00

looking forward to hols for two reasons. more time to spend with them and her, to know these dear friends better. learn how play the flute! and also wanna learn cooking from my maid! then things to do! visit my maternal grandmother and paternal grandfather more, time left with them is ticking away! NO playing of com games AT ALL! and also be a helper when i can. :)

cher's day coming! hoping for a usual day's out with the usual gang! hopefully we can. no sure leh, ben and lester should have exams coming and yee mun's Os are near. really miss being with them. and prob would see the old gang too at ctss! :) miss the times we had together too. dang! im missing alot of things!

new man, new life. how i wish we could spend so much more time together. time does flies. :)

sianz....

2009-08-13T23:15:00.002+08:00

sianz.... if only she wasn't busy with her stuff. love talking to her but seldom have the chance... we click the best amoung the rest. i think... wonder does she feel the same way.

anyway, lol. im actually learning the song now. -.- then tmw onwards is mug mug mug mug mug mug mug mug mug. so ta! won;t be online at all, but u know my no. so need someone to talk to sms me. but my phone kinda sot. so yeah. cheers! :) have a great wk ahead. :)

lol. i think the performance is making my hype bout society too :S

2009-08-12T23:52:00.000+08:00

my brain is officially malfunctioning. im doing things that i dunno why the heck im doing it for.

okay. i just think my voice sucks big time now. like literally? i can't carry a freaking tune anymore and its so dam irratating.

singing more than words for the performance, seriously, i wanna puke at my own singing -.- i go outta tune _l_ and all the crap comes out -.- like 2 years ago i never even know what outta tune was cause i never went outta tune and now? im screwing up. dam. my primes over -.- now im just a failed musician. so symbolic, just like les chorites, clement mathieu.

i need a long break.

the week round

2009-08-12T08:25:00.003+08:00

been doing the usual, reading blogs to check on how people are doing, some blogs really inspire me to do more...some make me happy when i read that this person had gotten over their problems.

i feel the same...... feeling very weird... plus the constant back aches and stuff. hmmm. ive told people what i wanted to tell them b4, on my other blog. so im not gonna broach on that.

leadership. hmm. inspire through words, learn through hearing, lead through action. i think these are the most important factosr one leader should have. in fact it makes up the key of leadership. without these things, u can't be an effective leader.

to be or not to be, that is my problem.

i wonder....

2009-08-07T22:31:00.001+08:00

for the first time in this week, maybe not first, i had negative thoughts. for the past wk, i felt terrible. as in physically. i had back aches, ankles and knees the usual thingy, eye prob, felt really weird during s and w, dizzy etc... this question suddenly popped into my mind all of a sudden. when im gone, who would rmb me? kinda a who find that im a part of their lifes kinda question and yeah.... ridiculous question.

lol. the end of s and w lessons! no more soccer! now i think i may have the time to go to gym more often . but thats probably after the exams like during the hols? can't wait for hols. i wan to go out with them again, have fun together, get to know them even more.

time and time again, these things make me think and remember. i relearn my lessons. i regain lost knowledge. i re-feel what ive been thrugh.

2009-08-07T00:09:00.000+08:00

this wk. quite smooth sailing to be honest, just one wk, ive tried to change failing miserably, but my life had been quite smooth these few days. my tests and quizes are quite okay, bio presentation 4.5 outta 5, prac tes 8.9 outta 10, quiz, 50 outta 75. maths computerised test 80 percent. yeah. miss my friends. like really alot. i miss her sneeze, her quirky comments, her laughter, her happy go lucky attitude, his lame jokes, her phlisiophical statements, his singing, chatting with him, teasing her, his logical statements, her small eyed smile, his smile, his comments that only he understands, her blurness, her quiet commentation, her hyperism, her matureism, her 'adorable' whine, this and that this and that. can't wait for the hols to come, when i can see u all much more! i love being around u all. it always makes my day.

treasure those while u still can treasure them. when he/she goes, all u are left with is memories. thats why treasure.

lol.

2009-08-05T17:44:00.000+08:00

my mum said something today that kinda suprised me. she doesn't mind if i get into a bgr. i thought they think that after uni then is suitable. but then again, i dunno. after spending weeks embroiled in this topic, i ask now, why bgr? the bad points and arguments im super familiar with them, after advising people to focus on studies.

but then again, i don't really need to bother bout this. after all, its bout finding the right person first. and also, its kinda small, my scope, cause of beliefs. and i think im just going give it to God, let him decide. why worry? be happy! :) nothing would go wrong in the hands of God. got 8.9 for prac test which is outta 10, 4.5 outta 5 for presentation. first time got such marks. kinda gd actually, but must continue. must mug mug mug. no more games! especially facebk, pvz, l4d and warcraft. must get rid of all distractions. its time to start working. glorifying God through my studies and brining my family to know him. thats what im doing now.

the question that had been on my mind is, is it alright to date someone else of another religion? ( no link to myself).

2009-08-05T00:05:00.001+08:00

hmm. first one attracted me due to looks? second one attracted me due to character? third one a mix of both? hmm.... i think the environment is really affecting me. so its time for me to plant my feet in the concrete. and be who i am supposed to be, and not the clay for other people to mold, but rather for Him alone to mold.

i must also keep this in mind, that i would NOT neglect anyone due to a newer person. i would take it into my stride and walk with that additional friend. and not drop any and continue walking, taking and dropping them like theres no tmw.

2009-08-04T20:34:00.001+08:00

a sister wrote this on her blog.
-I don't need you to care.
Seriously. Because you are just pitying me, you feel that i have no one to turn to.

it got me to think. when was the last time i pitied someone? i think last year during the sichuan earthquake. when those pictures came out, i pitied them. in a sense i only pity those people i do not know. those people around me however, i never pity them. NEVER. i care. ive know some people who i dislike, but i still care about them. but some people, i care alot more about would be the usual 4 groups. pri sch clique, sec sch clique , churchies, and people i know who are in need of help. thats who i am, thats who i want to remain. someone who cares and tries to help even if nobody appreciates. im glad that i know someone like me, a sister in church. i like talking to her, and her blog posts are pretty inspirational. thats why were are here for each other. to help each other on in the race, to help each other in the run, to help each other up when we fall down, to have fun and happy times together.

i try and try. but when theres too many things, i tend to neglect people and not talk so much to u. i treasure people. but sometimes it seems like i don't. but deep down, i still worry for ur well being etc. stay happy and safe sister.

looking at the past

2009-08-03T21:38:00.000+08:00

looking at the pics of when we went to mint, i really long for it to reoccur. its just one great day out with some really special friends, a time of joy and smiles, speaking in a common tongue of laughter, where all uneasiness has disappeared. great times, great friends, great memories.

2009-08-03T21:04:00.000+08:00

...... ........ ........ don't u have anything better to do than create all these good for nothing, waste of time and ridiculously pathetic and lowdown and useless crap viruses? get a life for crying out loud. -.-

with my mouth, will i make known, thy faithfulness, thy faithfulness.

2009-08-03T10:15:00.003+08:00

with my mouth, will i make known, thy faithfulness, thy faithfulness.
with my mouth, will i make known thy faithfulness for all generations.

trust in the Lord, and all things would be good.
trust in the Lord, and he would give u all the desires of your heart.

today i experience the Lord as my peace. i was having cct, computerised common test for maths. intergration and differentation. i didn't worry at all for the test. normally i would really worry for my tests even though i would show indifference. so this is probably a first? thereafter i got 80 percent for it. i think some of the questions i ti kam, actually only one. got 2 wrong, so got 80 percent last qn i forgot how to do then i try sec school mehod, then got it correct!

and i think i just became a little pet or something lolol i got petted by someone LOL!

sun meet and other stuff.

2009-08-02T15:55:00.000+08:00

ahh today. went for Lord's table for the first time, kinda outta place. the bread i took a piece and had no idea wad to do with it, so i just popped it in.couldn't sing at all today again, throat really weird nowadays. was so tired, nearly fell asleep during the meeting.

after the meeting, i was one the first floor, then looked around. the entire place was practically excreting a sense of warmth all around. family warmth i mean. all the kids, nearly everyone knew each other or at least had that look, for me it was like a normal family gathering, i just went to where my uncles and aunts and cousins were at, with the kids running about as usual. somehow and i dunno how, i got pulled into the kid's game of freeze and melt LOL! i just waited for them to play around the handrails, then walked thrugh touching their heads. end of game. i won lololol.

LOL! i just realised i had cut bangs b4 -.- like 16 years ago? LOL! time flies.

baptism

2009-08-01T23:02:00.003+08:00

got baptised today. its prob what i declare a end point for the things that i used to do, and a new journey to start off with. time for a change.

got a birthday present from celeste and charis! some thingy that i just know where to put it! :) thanks! and got a bk from my uncle as a present for... getting baptised?? lol. thanks too!

the water was cold! like very! i was shivering constantly. thereafter i ate mac chesse. and ice cream at donut factory (and i was complaining that i was feeling cold...... spinelli's choco mint, again, and i was complaining i was cold.... i ended up feeling frozen so i bought minestone soup from moss. thereafter went home.

was singing hymns the way back lolol.

a sister met a flasher while on the way home. kinda affected her. be praying for u sis!

ta!

scandels and the like.........

2009-07-30T19:49:00.001+08:00

this wk. its been hectic like last wk.

just rmbed, on mon, after dinner, me and hl was on the mrt talking, then we were talking bout going overseas to do some volunteer work etc. there was this guy who asked me, whats ur belief. then i said christian. thereafter he said, if u go there do not terrorize their beliefs. i went wdh???

then today -.- went back to school for a few minutes, cher said called us back to do survey -.- ive finished it like way long ago -.-lll then ipc was practically playing pvz and i did cats ppt and mol, didn't even do a single qn and i gave up. couldn't think. mind block-.- then ate dinner, dam early one, then went home. dam sianz sia...

yeech. sour honey mixture -.- just like a bgr. when and where and why did i even come up with the notion of wanting to try out for one? we go to sch to study. not to do such crap which shouldn't be happening yet? its been poping up like daily recently, all this crap is seriously making me feel queasy. and this morning, something from my pri sch days popped out unexpectedly.clive asked me whether i knew charlene and somehow and i dunno how the heck, he knew bout the scandel-.--.--.--.--.--.- and i stupidly also mentioned that i had the same scandel at the tuition center, where we attend the same class -.- shit happens.....again.

yesterday, something that piss ppl off.

2009-07-29T23:05:00.003+08:00

today. or should i say yesterday. was one freaking peice of shit. ipc prac, lol. i became jb, and jb became zc.
during bio prac test. like wadthebluddyshit? lloyd alr not in gd md since 6 something was there till 6 in lab. butwadthebluddyheck??? i did the stupid thingy 4 times, 5th time then tell me i see wrongly. i rmb wongly, thought the spore was the dots. forgot we were talkin bout mycelium and not bluddy bacteria. thereafter the fking, pardon the colourful phrases, f-up microscope, did gram test, wa lao wei. the stupid microscope cannot see, turn this turn that, do all the correct procedures also cannot see -.- how i know is correct procedure? cause i move to another bench, the microscope, i use the same techniques, less than 5 mins, got my results -.- wasted like 25 mins. helped christine and muni, christine i think i saw just crayon markings, no bacteria, muni is got bacteria, but cannot focus till razor sharp for some reason. anyway lsct society.

dirty! lolol first was toothpaste, i had to get toothpaste from someone's foot, on my thigh, pass it to qy who was on forehead, then thereafter we swop places. quite -.- it spiced my thigh afterwards. then my hair, lolol like got gel lidat. the dam toothpaste, was stuck in my hair lol. then use leg to get scrabble pieces out -.- kinda retarded. lolol. i think its a challange to come up with un dirty games. dirty games are all soo..... i dunno? standard? u can more or less know what can come out using wad. the same old stuff.

grown

2009-07-29T00:06:00.002+08:00

just a few months and ive grown further more. my depth of thought is deeper than before, my analysing skills are being honed daily, im learning how to deal with situations maturely, controlling my emotions and not let them control me. thats i think a brilliant start besides the sucky results in academic and cca areas.

2009-07-28T16:24:00.000+08:00

now i know im really over her. :) i feel stressed now. no longer emo or wadsoeva. got so many things to do! dam....

2009-07-27T21:57:00.001+08:00

lol. im a warm water bottle.

2009-07-27T20:26:00.000+08:00

okay. some people make me , gonna use a chimm word today, cathartic people like miss aw who came over to my sch today, of course the old clique, the even older choir clique in pri sch, the churchies and oh course my little nephews and neices. lol

-.- am i that amusing? or rather are my reactions that funny? excerpt from a bro's gf's blog. XD Kai En saw us holding hands and his expression was PRICELESS. XD Think STUNNED OUT OF MY HEAD face. HAHAHAHAHA (the end) lol. maybe. vid calls with people make them laugh -.- i dunno how or what. or even why? lol. today was weird. no cell in the end. -.- like what the heck? i feel outta place. no longer part of the class or something lidat. though im like very very very much closer with some people in the class, but i feel that its getting serious. ARGH! i need to undergo catharsis! like now??!?!?

2009-07-27T14:08:00.002+08:00

you are the peace that guards my heart,

my help in time of need;
you are the hope that leads me on,
and brings me to my knees.
for there i find you waiting,
and there i find release;
so, with all my heart i'll worship,
and unto you i'll sing.

chorus:
for you along deserve all glory,
for you alone deserve all praise
father, we worship and adore you.
father, we long to see your face.
for you along deserve all glory,
for you alone deserve all praise
father, we love you,
and we worship you this day.

falalalala im in a gd mood! lol. for the first time since i have no idea, prob last sat. my cher's talking a buffer system, and im seriously dunno. i think its gonna break in half. or in more peices. within a few more days/months. too much. the intra thing is like ................... shit man. here i am, looking there. somehow i feel envious. lol. thats prob a first. anyway, im happy. lol. retook that mentality, if shes happy, im happy. (: thanks si yun, for tt.:)

2009-07-26T22:59:00.000+08:00

my sister. i love her. obviously. but i really dunno how to like communicate with her. when she pisses me off, i shout like a lot at her, i wanna reach out to her, so that i can also be there to help her thrugh her stuff. but i really dunno how to like communicate. i asked her hows sch, she finds me naggy at times, but seriously? what should i do??

hmm. pooled again today. won i dunno how many matches this time. lol ive improved today. rather my playing was better than on thurs. i stank then. prob the table. anyway, i find it worrying. my nephews are alr, i repeat, ALREADY UTTERING VULGARITIES LIKE WADINTHEWORLD? i watched them grow up and i know that they are mischievous and all but whatintheworld has happened to singapore? the kids have really degraded. luckily not all are corrupted. my fave little nephew and his sisters are STILL oh sososo cute! lol i sound like a girl ~.~ but thats a fact! i love kids. i love helping others. thats what i can do? and also, i love playing with kids, to make them laugh etc. lol. guess im gonna be the family entertainer!

i love u too little sister! stay happy cheery and also just be urself! hyper if ur a hyperish person, quiet if ur a quiet person! at meeting hall first maybe? thats the place where i found it easiest to be myself. there are a few people who can't really tolerate things really well, but still, majority are i think u agree with me on this one, DAM TOTALLY AWESOMELY OWN! i hope i observed correctly. and i think i did.

2009-07-26T11:06:00.000+08:00

it has its crests,
it has its trough.
it has high tides,
its has low tides.

it has light,
its has darkness.
it has sunrises,
it has sunsets.

it has rain,
it has droughts.
it has lush forests,
it has parched ground.

it has warmth,
it has shivers.

time to time,
day to day,
years to years.
it occurs.
both inside,
and around us.

2009-07-25T21:58:00.000+08:00

Today I went to church hoping I could during coffee or icecream talk to them bout some of the stuff that are troubling me. Wasn’t really able to get a conver going. But I enjoy their company a lot. We were walking about getting gifts. And I spent nearly 17 bucks on gifts.

The thing is, I seldom have people to talk to bout my probs. Like seriously.

Shit does happens. This entire wk is shitty, even though my birthday was on tues, so wad? The reason why I don’t like my birthday is cause, well, I spend it alone. Like practically nearly every year. Besides last yr and pri 6. Bests ones Ive had. The rest were like …… anyway getting baptized next wk! after 15 years or isit 14? Time to really start living like one. Not start but really live him out in my life.

just a turn.

2009-07-24T23:33:00.000+08:00

just a turn, and a new day's here.
just a blink, and the entire world changes.
just a whisper, and the situation changes,
just a flash, and the mood changes.

just a turn, and im glad.
just a blink, and im filled with anticipation,
just a whisper, and im looking forward to tomorrow.
just a flash, and i wonder what would happen.

things warp and change,
things shatter and break.
things grow and evolve.
things learn to be as thus.

but things do change,
so do people.
what may be for now,
may not be forever.
though one thing is for certain,
his love is for all eternity.

2009-07-24T22:26:00.000+08:00

im the listener, the helper. im nearly free 247 minus 49 hrs(my slping time). thats who i am. thats what i do, thats how i fall, thats what gives me additional joy.

i take the blame i take the fault i take the suffering alone. this is what i would do. this is what i am meant to be doing.

2009-07-24T17:51:00.000+08:00

yes yes yes! gotten over her! guess yesterday was the climax! the end end of story. im feeling at the top of the world. wonder.... will we go ice cream tmw?

today wad dam crap.

2009-07-24T10:54:00.000+08:00

i woke up, at 751, slept for only 3 hrs 51 mins. then, it all started to come back to me. all the dam and accursed thoughts. okay wateva. then i went outta my house, to wait for bus to come to sch, damit, waited at bus stop for 40 mins no 154. this is the conclusion. sbs sucks. i walked out and then waited
like a few mins and 184 came -.- why didn't i walk out b4? i was on the bus when i realised i wasn't wearing s and w shirt. dam it fk it curse it. and now i have absolutely no clue on how to do the stupid ipc report and im stuck. im tired im pissed off im having those dam feelings again like wdf? the cycles gonna repeat itself. lol

overreacted

2009-07-24T07:55:00.000+08:00

i think i seriously overreacted last night. nothings gonna happen if i don't do anythin stupid.. i prob was a little afraid since i had no idea what to do, now i have an idea what not to do,and im not gonna do anything but eradicate those things. lol. why do i even wan to compete aganist a bro? why do i even wan to compete with someone when they are both happy together? i shouldn't and anyway its only a crush. even its not one i would still do the same. better me than the rest.

lol. such an irony. just a few months ago i was saying, don't get into a bgr at this age, its not healthy. people change and who knows what would happen? so yup. keep that mentality. feelings can be supressed!

i would tide over this and my other problems, cause i know this within. that God would give what is best for us and that he would give us strength and not let us fall. i think i know what this is telling me to do, which is to continue pursing his word diligently.

leave me alone regarding this.

2009-07-24T01:38:00.000+08:00

maybe not being in a relationship b4 is not a gd thing after all. i really have no clue wad to do, i know i must never ever come in btw and i don't intend to and i really wish i can get over asap, but how to dodge those really accurate answers? i have no idea!!!! so don't ask! i need to escape! i would never make 2 people unhappy or even awkward due to me. another thing ive tried extremly hard to do is not to make people unhappy or wadsoevernots. just leave me alone regarding this,

well, yeah.

2009-07-23T18:54:00.001+08:00

yeah, as the name clearly states, this is where i dump everything i wanna share.

what ive wanted to do since last year.

what ive wanted to do since last year is really simple. it is to help. to helps those who need help, who needs an ear, who needs someone to just listen to all their cares and troubles, to give some advice occasionally. occasionally when i hear them, its like, i feel that its like my problem. it becomes my problem in a sense and i would keep asking them or just keep an eye out for them till they had tided thrugh it. its dam tiring, the reason is because its something ive been thrugh most of the times. thats why i can link. thats why i can understand. thats why i can empathise with them. thats how i help. when i needed to talk to someone i didn't have anyone to speak to on a long term basis. so now im being that person. to people who need help.

Im a product of change. lol. big joke. i thought ive learnt the lesson on bgr. didn't. ended up falling for people again. -.- twice this yr, and worse, is on people who are attached -.- crushes thats what they are. whats happening??? one in pri sch, ended in flames, we were like sworn enemies for an entire year. sec sch one, i don't even wanna talk bout it, last year another one, started off as friendship, she thought i liked her, the entire thing unravelled. we don't even talk to each other anymore. rather, she totally ignores me alr. what other crap had happened? hmm.. some sec 1 liked me last year, another sec 1 liked me this year... -.- wadintheworld's happening to the innocents? the kids?

just me

ive starting to have emo periods, like times i just go quiet and listen. i think i really prefer that actually. lol. the reason why i laugh so easily is more of a way for me to destress. i prefer quietness, just listening to my friends talk. (: that were the great times.

birthdays.

why ive never really looked forward to birthdays cause nothing gonna happen anyway. so why even look forward to them? they are just the day on which u are born. if something's gonna happen, then yeah duh of course i would look forward to those. but lol. ur kidding if something happens.

last thing for today, of course as usual is the people im close to.

lol. im close to very few people actually. 3 in pri sch, 4 in sec sch, 2 in sec sch, and..... 9 in church.probably these are the people who ive been myself when im with them. none in poly so far. im still learning more bout them each day. well, after talking to someone for just a few days, like really talk, more or less i can map out who they are like etc.
thats how i link to people.

i just recalled something. yesterday when i was actually doing my revision, i totally gave up. i felt that there were like alot of things to do, alot of things to rmb, a lot of things to complete. in a sense, i really felt like throwing my com aganist the wall if i get another 2 for the quiz. lol. how many kai ens did u get. found that horrendously depressing. shit happens.and i deserved that though. addicted to facebook. need to stop it. need to stop it.

2009-07-05T22:30:00.000+08:00

i and my dad had a pact. that if i glorify God thrugh my studies, he would believe. at least, thats what he said. i think its not really if i do it, he would believe but rather he can see the change in me then. okay, if thats what i have to do, im fine with it. time to mug. no more games like wc3 or l4d.

my sore throats still here. horrible feeling.

today was lidat. i wasted my entire morning l4ding and gaming. then afternoon went for piano lesson, then thereafter went to my cus place, then back home where i chionged mol and now im revising for mbio quiz tmw. still left with tutorial for maths and also ipc report. dam sianz. its not a small change. its quite a big change to make. big? whats big? nothing in this world is too big to handle. at least, with him nothings too big to handle. alone, cmi gg etc ....

today.

2009-06-29T16:37:00.000+08:00

today got back 2 results. kinda expected the results. but wdh? i didn't know that there was home work to be done for micro bio. hais.

2009-06-29T09:05:00.000+08:00

this world has lots of conflicts due to wad? i came up with 2 reasons. first being lack of understanding. understanding leads to acceptance, acceptance leads to empathy. and also, a lack of selflessness. its not easy to be self less so i guess that conflicts are going to be continuous for ever. till he returns.